I went back to Dallas for leave last month. Hung out with some friends and stuff. The best part, really, was getting to do my self defense stuff again. I'm getting so rusty out here. While I was gone, I thought a lot about my future in the Navy and ultimately came to the decision that I didn't want one here. I started a list on my phone of all the specific things I don't like and that list keeps getting bigger. I'd hate to say I don't like the Navy and be too broad with no examples. The examples I've put down aren't just one time things, either. They seem to be staples of military life. I'm not going into it, but there are many things. Far more than what I put in my last post. So, I'm working on getting out. I have weekly appointments at the mental health department. After like six I should be able to have them recommend me for separation. I'm going to try to push for medical, but I think I'll get general under honorable conditions with the tag of "unable to adjust to military life" or something like that. I can't really blame them for not wanting to pay me for the rest of my life, even though my constant panic attacks do seem to have been caused by this. I just haven't done anything for the Navy. I'll only have a little over a year in when I get the boot and it's all been school.
Speaking of school, I graduate Ops tomorrow. I got second in the class without trying or even caring about my grade. The honorman aced every test and practical. It was all so stupid. Six weeks of class could've been condensed to two or three weeks with how much time we wasted. I wish the public knew they were paying us to sit around and bullshit for about half the work day. Some days we did absolutely nothing. The instructors would tell us to take a 15 minute break, then come back two hours later to post us for lunch, and then much the same after lunch. We never spent a whole day busy. I'd say a minimum of two hours were completely wasted every day.
I'm completely disappointed in my Navy experience and, from what I understand from talking to people in other branches, it's the same everywhere. Everything in life is a cost-benefit analysis, and the mental cost of staying in far exceeds the benefits of a steady paycheck and travel. The military does not deserve to have me.
My plans for after getting out are big. It's pretty nuts, really. I'm getting married! Once I decided I couldn't stand to be in anymore, I had to figure out what I wanted to happen with my relationship with Dinelia. Ultimately, I can't leave her. The circumstances have forced it to happen sooner than I prefer, but we're very open and honest with each other, which has let us get closer than most people in our situation. Now, I'm not someone that believes in that "you just know" crap about getting married. We have a 50% divorce rate in this country, so half of those people that "just know" are wrong. I really love and trust her and I think we have long term viability. At some point, you just have to take the leap. Some people wait years and then their marriage fails; others jump right in and have it last a lifetime. I guess the risk is what makes it so beautiful. She will be staying in. She wants to be a doctor and plans to do it by joining the medical officer program, though I will help her as much as possible if it doesn't happen that way. This all means that she is probably doing the full 20 years. I will be a house husband for a good deal of this time. Deployments are gonna suck, but I can hold out. I'm rather strong willed. If she does the medical officer program thing, she will drop out of the deployment rotation for about seven years while she gets all her degrees.
So that's the plan. I'm getting out and getting hitched. Freaky deeky, man.